Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Change and faith

So I was all ready to write a post about some of my struggles, but then I came home from the gym to one of the funniest things. Tonight (yes I am writing on a Monday night and will probably post this Tuesday morning) I went to the gym while Jed was putting Reid to bed. I got to the gym about 9:00 and got home around 10:30. I saw that Jed was out in the barn so I went and chit chatted him up for a bit and then I headed for the house. I slid opened the door to find my almost 3 year old standing on a chair right next to the refrigerator. He said he was thirsty and he must have been really thirsty because there was water ALL OVER THE FLOOR and as he is telling me this, he is still holding the button down with it completely missing the cup. Oh boy. Then I look on the floor and find 5 tomatoes from our garden on the floor in a perfect line, from smallest to biggest. So I grab some towels and start cleaning up and laugh at the same time. R is still awake at this time and I could not even be mad at him. I know that I should,but it was just too funny. Of course my dog Sahara has her head down over in the corner, she knew R wasn't suppose to be doing this and she felt like she was going to be in trouble. It was all too funny. So the moral of this story is that when you think your almost 3 year old is asleep in bed, you better double check before you head out to the barn. Or God gives you a good laugh when you need one! I could take this and turn it negative and say, "crap I can't even go to the gym without the shit hitting the fan" but I am not going to go there. It was a funny evening and I am going to leave it at that.

Change has really been hard for me lately. I can't seem to get into a schedule and I NEED routine. I have found myself getting down on myself lately and not just about getting to the gym, but everything. I still have mommy guilt, I feel like i am still not doing enough for R. And I am not getting near as much done around the house like I thought I would, ugh this really irritates me. And now R HATES the gym and finding time to get there has been a huge struggle. Plus I still don't have a job. I know there are bigger problems out there, but these are mine right now. I am not asking for sympathy, I am just simply stating some things that are going on in my life. I wish I could be a laid back mom and not worry about every little thing, but I do. I wonder where my future lies and what I will be doing 6 months from now. Who freaking knows and maybe that is the scariest part of all of this. Before when I had my job I knew exactly what was going to happen from day to day and now I don't.

So I had this long talk with God today in the midst of a huge anxiety attack and all that kept coming to me was, Faith. So that is what I am going to work on. I need to have Faith that this will all work itself out. I will work on the things that I can control, but the rest of it is in God's hands. People this is NOT easy for me, but I know it is necessary.

What are you struggling with? And for the love of God, does this mommy guilt ever go away?

I thought this one was too funny to not share!!


And the winner is this one. I love this ecard!!!!


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