Monday, April 7, 2014

I can call myself a runner now

HELLO Monday! Ugh. I'm not feeling it today. I could have used another day. How about you??

Yesterday I slowly jogged 10 miles. And for the most part during this whole long journey I haven't really considered myself a runner. This might sound weird to some people, but I run when I want to and only when I'm in the mood for it. I usually run as far as I want to or to literally get me back home. I also use running to clear my head and to burn some calories. So what do I consider a runner? Good Question, I don't really have an answer to that.  I just didn't consider myself a runner.  But yesterday things changed. Normally I look forward to my long runs and I get excited about how far I can run and having that set amount of time to MYSELF. During these runs I usually let my mind wander to where ever it wants to. Normally it ends up reminiscing about the wonderful people in my life. I think about my friend and high school friends and the memories that I hold dear to me.  I think about people that I haven't talked to lately and wonder what they are up to now. But a lot of times my thoughts belong to the people who have pasted, people who have left this earth.  I know this sounds creepy, but this is when I feel the most connected to them. And I LIKE this feeling. It feels like they are near, like I can pick up the phone and call them.  I think about the good times I had with them and sometimes the regrets I have. But for the most part they are all good memories, you know the ones that make you laugh out loud and if you are in public you might be a little embarrassed for laughing so hard by yourself.
this is normally how they go.
Yesterday was a different story. I had been dreading this run since the middle of the week.  I kept telling myself that I only had ONE more long run before my race. But I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I couldn't get excited about it. I have no idea why.
off subject - but I really love this movie!! I have been wanting to use this quote for a long time.
So Friday night comes and I decide to indulge in a couple beers. I deserved it.  But in the back of my head I kept thinking, just a couple because you need to be drinking water to get ready for your run tomorrow. But a couple turned into 4 which then turned into, crap I have no idea how many beers I drank on Friday.  The point being, I drank too much. So come Saturday morning I was in no shape to run.  I was upset with myself, but I think I did it on purpose.  I didn't want to run that stupid 10 miles anyways, I think I subconsciously ruined my plans for running.

So this left Sunday to run. I still didn't want to, I basically waited until the last minute to run. And the moment came to were I had to lace up my running shoes or call it a day.  What did I end up doing?? I laced up those darn shoes. I told myself that I would go and run THREE little miles and if I didn't feel like running after that then I would come home and relax.

Of course the 1st mile was a struggle to get through. I hate the 1st mile. But after the 1st mile I thought my sweet spot would kick in soon, but it NEVER did. So I made myself run the 2nd mile, still convinced I would quit at mile 3. But then mile 3 came and I had a decision to make. Either keep going or stop and walk home. Then this thought came to me "what if I run these 10 miles and it just isn't a good run, but I finish it?" And then I thought "What if you don't finish the 10 miles and just head home right now?" I really didn't have an answer to the first question. But the second one I knew the answer to.  I would fret about the 10 miles I didn't run and I would be VERY nervous the night before my race because all I would think about are the miles I DID NOT run. So I pulled up my granny panties and I took a right which would lead me to my 7 remaining miles.

How were those remaining 7 miles?? They were still as bad as the first 3.  I had to push myself continually to run. I even prayed for rain, and not because I can't handle a little rain, but because at that point I would call it a day because I didn't want my expensive Iphone to get wet. I would call Jed and have him pick me up, simple as that. But I never got it. I got sprinkled on, but nothing my phone cover couldn't protect. DAMN. So I kept running. I would stop from time to time to walk for about 30 seconds and then I would start back up. And then I finally finish that HORRIBLE 10 miles, but when everything was said and done, I was proud of myself for running. I wasn't proud of my time or my distance, I was proud that I push through that 10 miles even when I didn't want to.
Oh and you should add 10 minutes to that time because my stupid phone paused my workout. It kept logging the distance, but not the time. I am telling you, nothing was going my way for this run.

So am I ready for this weekend?? Ummmm, I think so.  I don't think I am going to be any more ready than I am right now. I won't run the rest of the week, I will go to crossfit tomorrow, Wednesday, and possibly on Thursday, but that is it. But even if I don't complete the race or for some CRAZY reason sleep through my 3-4 alarms on Saturday, I will still call myself a runner.  I thought completing this race would make me a runner, but yesterday is what made me realize I am runner. I pushed through the hard stuff. I didn't just run when I wanted to or when it made me happy.  I ran because I have a goal and the only way to reach that goal was to run on a day I didn't feel like it. And I won't fret about it either this week.  I ran a hard 10 miles in dirt, gravel, and pavement. Those ten miles also included some difficult hills. So I think I'm ready for a flat course that involves only pavement.

What I do need help with is some MUSIC.  What is your jam right now?? Seriously people, I need some new tunes. It can be fast, slow, country, hip hop, rap, etc. I am going to share my playlist on Friday, but this last weekend my run outlasted my music. So I need more music. HELP!! Plus I like music that makes me think of my friends, so give me a song that will help me think of you while I run on Saturday. I do tend to like something with a good beat to it, but with that said when you see my list on Friday you will realize that I do have a few that are a little slower. Please don't leave me hanging, any contribution is VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!

Come on, you know there is a song that makes you want to do this.  Give it up, I want to know!

Have a good week folks. I know I will still be pretty nervous towards the end of the week, but at least I know I have done everything I can up until this point.  I even ran when I didn't want to!

No comments:

Post a Comment