Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Where have I been??

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  Well things have been crazy busy and things have changed.

First off, I got a new a job. A friend of mine is moving out of state and she strongly advised me to apply for her job, so I did. I wasn't going to because I felt like I owed the company I was currently working for more time since they did hire me when I was unemployed. But after some thinking I thought I would go ahead and apply for it and see what happens.  Well long story short, I took the job.  I am super glad that I did. I was sad to leave some of my friends at the previous place, but I know this was the right choice for me and my family.

Secondly, my precious Sahara (dog) is sick. I wanted to do a WHOLE post on her and what is going on, but I  honestly don't think I have it in me right now. About 6 weeks ago we found out Sahara has bone cancer.  There isn't much we can do about it, but to keep her comfortable. The day they gave us the news was a horrible day. She is my best friend, after my mom of course. But I have given our relationship a lot of thought recently.  And she seriously knows me better than most people do.  She has seen me at my worst and during my most embarrassing moments and she still loves me. She knows when I need her to be by my side, or when to give me space.  I honestly think she is the only one who recognizes that. She is truly one of my best friends and she can't be replaced. The day she passes will be an incredibly hard day for me and my family.

Not only will I miss Sahara, but R will probably be more lost than me. He says that Sahara is his best friend too. Now, he also takes turns calling me, Jed, Random friends from daycare, and cousins his best friend. But I can see the love he has for his dog. He is so sweet with her and she is tolerant of him. LOL I laugh about this because Jed and I always joke that Sahara is jealous of R because she honestly thinks she is human and can't figure out why R gets so much more attention than her.

With all this said, I am mostly worried about R and how he is going to handle the day she passes. He has mentioned death to me over the last couple of days and I don't know who or what taught him about death, but he clearly knows what it means.  I don't know that he knows it means FOREVER. So Jed and I decided that even though we aren't ready for it, we will get R a puppy shortly after Sahara passes.  I know that R will need this, but to be completely honest, I AM NOT READY FOR A PUPPY. I don't want a puppy, I want Sahara to live forever! End of story. But this isn't about what I want. This is what is best for R. It breaks my heart to know that R will soon be in love with another dog that isn't MY best friend. No new puppy will replace the hole in my heart that Sahara's death will leave, but I know that it will help R move forward. And a kid who lives in the country needs a dog to grow up with.  The next dog will be R's and I will mostly be the person who makes sure it is fed and potty trained, but other than that he/she will be R's best friend, not mine. I'm okay with that. Actually I'm perfectly okay with that. I just wish there was something I could do more for Sahara. I hate that she is in pain and that she has realized her body has let her down. STUPID CANCER. Seriously, I hate that it is cancer that is taking her away from me.

So I need to wrap this up, I'm getting tears in my eyes. I will probably do another post on Sahara or maybe I won't.  It might be too hard to write about. Right now I am having a hard time breathing and I know she is sitting at home on our couch. I just wanted to let you all know what has been going on lately and that I haven't fallen off the edge of the world. I'm still here and I'm still trying to go to CrossFit although I have only be 2 times a week for the last couple of weeks. UGH. And my eating has been all over the place, but that is another post.


  1. Jessica, my heart just breaks for you and Reid and Jed , you all miss her terrably, i get teary eyed just looking at her pics, wish that I could take the pain away for you guys, this is a pain that I cant do anything about, just know that i love you guys so much and I am here if you need me, {{{{{{{{{hugggggggsss}}}}}}}}}}

  2. So sorry for your sweet Sahara, she's beautiful!

  3. From one KS girl to another, I still have a little fur our vet clipped from our yellow lab when we had to put him down. I carry it in my purse so it's nearly always with me and he's been gone for a year and a half. We are getting a new little girl lab tomorrow, but I'll still always have my little treasure from my first baby.