Confession time

So we had a wedding to go to on Saturday. And to be honest I almost had a full on panic attack thinking about this day.  

1.) There would be non-compliant Whole30 food.

2.) There would be alcohol &

3.) CAKE!!!

So come Saturday morning, I started to think about the food I could take with me. I did a pretty good job, I took a Lara Bar, A red bell pepper, and baked plantains with Guacamole (which by the way is freaking amazing, one of my new favorite foods.) 

I was starting to feel better as we headed that way (it was an hour and 45 minute drive). I did good the whole way there and through the wedding. Then came the dreaded reception where all the food and alcohol would be. 

So let me start with the Good.  My eating was on point and I did GREAT in that area.  Where I failed was in the adult beverage section. I broke. I had 2 margaritas and a glass of wine, WOMP WOMP.  

I felt pretty bad about it. And then I thought of all the improvements I have made in the last  13 days. I have done pretty darn awesome. So instead of just saying "Oh f@ck it, I'm quitting and eating what ever I want." I actually said "Okay, I hit a bump in the road, but I am NOT falling off this wagon." And that is what I did.  I woke up Sunday and made my breakfast and then joined my family at IHOP where they all had pancakes, eggs, and french toast.  I had a bowl of fruit. Not easy, but it was much easier to say no to that than the cake from the night before, I REALLY WANTED THAT CAKE! I'm still impressed that I said no! 

The rest of the day went just as well as breakfast did.  Then I woke up this morning and went to Crossfit. Yep, I started to add that back in. I went twice last week and I'm hoping to make it 4 times this week. But I feel great. I'm not going to fret about the 3 drinks I had this weekend.  I should technically start over, but my mind can't handle that right now. So I'm going to keep going. I'm thinking that sometime this fall I will do another one and hopefully that round I will have a PERFECT Whole30.  

 I am starting to feel the good energy coming from this program.  I am also not as hungry as I use to be.  I don't need to snack. I woke up at 5:00 am this morning and had my breakfast (boiled egg, a homemade sausage patty, and a quarter of a bell pepper) and wasn't hungry until about 11:30 am.  I didn't get light headed (which was something I was experiencing before starting this). I felt pretty great. I still do.  So I'm going to keep going. 

I did have fun at the wedding.  It was pretty emotional, but I'm glad I went. I'm not going to go into it much, but this was probably one of the hardest wedding I have ever been too.  I kept having flash backs of another VERY BEAUTIFUL wedding. So many emotions. But in the end happiness is all I felt. I'm happy for the newly weds and I hope that their marriage is full of laughter and great memories. They are a great couple. 

This is me, Emily (Cousin of the Groom), and my lovely mom!! 

Then this happened today

Don't worry, they were for work and I had a total of ZERO pieces! Pizza is a huge weakness for this girl. But not today.  It didn't even smell good. 

So there you have it.  The honest truth. Some people would say "No one needs to know all the dirty details" But I think they do.  This isn't a very easy diet (I hate using that word, but it is hard to NOT use it). I want to be completely honest with you folks because this is here for me and if I can't be honest here then why do I keep writing. So I want you guys to know it is HARD.  It is hard to constantly say no.  It is.  I am human and I made a mistake this weekend, but I'm not going to let one little mistake ruin my Whole30.  I may even do 31 days to make up for that one.  No I don't plan on drinking through out the rest of my 30 days.  It was a mistake that I don't plan on making again. My goal these days are: To be better today than I was yesterday! So here is to that! 

Have a great week everyone. Today is day 15, I'm officially at my halfway point.  Here is to another 15 great days!! 

#whole30 #day11

Well..............................................................

I fell off the wagon

JOKING!

Nope, not this time.  I am on day 11 of the Whole30 program and to be honest life isn't so bad.

This last weekend wasn't all that great, it was HARD to say no to certain things, but I made it!!!

Here are some of my favorite things to eat right now.

This is one of my favorites right now, I did NOT eat the pickles, they are not compliant. 

I learned how to make homemade hash browns for this breakfast. And it was worth it, I wish I would have learned to do that earlier because it was EASY and yummy.

Just a simple Chicken Salad with salsa instead of dressing. It was okay, but I think next time I will make some ranch dressing and put that on there. 

This is Reid having Popcorn.  I LOVE POPCORN. We went into Target and Reid wanted popcorn. I asked myself "Can I handle this?" YEP. So Reid had popcorn and I had NONE! A HUGE WIN FOR ME!!!! 

So let's talk about what I am missing/craving!

A latte from Starbucks sounds about heavenly right now. 

 Oh How I miss sitting outside with one of these babies in my hand. I know I sound like an alcoholic, but there is something about having a beer after a long day of work. 

Oh Reese's, you and I have a love-hate relationship.  I love to EAT you, but I HATE how you make me feel. 

The reality of all of this.  Do I miss those items, yes. BUT not as much as I thought I would. It has been pretty empowering to say NO. I hold my head up high walking past the end cap of Reese's peanut butter eggs.  I feel amazing when I wake up in the morning, not sluggish from the 2 or 3 beers that I had the night before. And I no longer NEED that second cup of coffee in the afternoon.  I am down to one cup in the morning and that is it.  I also don't need the sugary stuff in my coffee anymore, it is just coffee now.  These are all amazing things.  I use to go to the grocery store and buy Reese's peanut butter eggs and eat them before I got home.  And yes I said them, I would buy 2 and eat them both in less than 10 minutes.  That is sad! I use to think I was more fun or relaxed if I had a few drinks.  Not the case.  I'm pretty awesome without it! And last but not least I would reward myself with frothy goodness from Starbucks. You have all seen this before, right?  Well it is true. 

Now let me explain something first.  I believe there is something to be said for:

Going to the gym 4-5 days a week and working hard

Nailing your diet/dietary goals for the week

Hitting your weigh in goals 

At this point if you want to go have pizza on Saturday and some beers, then go do IT!! 

My problem would be: 

Go to the gym

Then find something yummy to eat!! 

(EVERY TIME) 

OR 

Yay, I reach that deadline at work. Now I deserve that latte from Starbucks. after missing my workout that morning. 

NO!!!! I think for me, if I reach any kind of goal, small or large, I would reward myself with food and drinks. That isn't necessary. There are other ways to reward yourself, like clothing, shoes, gym accessories, new lip gloss, a pedicure, etc. Some people reward themselves with little things and then I have seen people set a big goal and then reward themselves with big rewards like vacations and expensive purses. I personally have a hard time setting a goal and a reward for meeting that goal. I think this is something I need to work on. So here is to day 12 being better than day 11!! I feel like it keeps getting better from this point on.  I CAN DO THIS!!! 

What do you reward yourself with?? 

Whole30 update: day 3

Oh Man, yesterday was booger. I'm glad that one is in the books. I did really good, but man was I grumpy. It is also that time of the month so I really don't think it had to do with my food, more like my hormones. But I will say this, I am pretty darn proud of myself because normally I would have had a glass or two of wine.  That thought never really crossed my mind last night. SO YAY to me.  I know, small step but hey it is step.

Today so far has been completely different.  I feel pretty darn amazing!!! (note to self, re-read this when things get rough). On day 2 and 3 they say you may wake up feeling like you are hung over.  I have NOT had this happen yet. It is your body's way of detoxing the sugar and other crap.  I am pretty thankful to not have this happen. Here is what I should feel like the next few days:

I feel like day 4-5 is what I was experiencing last night, but like I said I think it was more hormones than anything because I wasn't mad because I couldn't eat the stuff R and Jed were having.  It was more annoying because everything seemed so darn hectic. I couldn't concentrate on one thing at a time, instead I was needed in about 4 places at once.  I hate when that happens. BTW - I had spaghetti but instead of noodles I had spaghetti squash.  If you are interested in doing a Whole30 remember to get sugar free spaghetti sauce if you aren't making it yourself. It was actually really good, I couldn't tell the difference to be honest. Jed didn't even notice that I changed the sauce, so I would say that is a win. 

Another win for me is, Wait for it..................................................

I had straight black coffee!!! SHUT UP!?!?!?!

Yep, that is right.  I can drink my coffee without creamer, milk, sugar, etc. It isn't the most AWESOME thing in the world, but it is okay.  So I'm pretty happy with that. 

So there is my update. I hope everyone is having an excellent Wednesday.  If you aren't, then cheer up because for those folks in KS our weather is getting ready to warm up!!! YAY!!

Adios muchachos. 

Hello again

I am going to TRY to keep this short and sweet.  I have not blogged in FOREVER, but hey that is okay. I have been going through some stuff this last year and to be honest I have been busy. I wasn't sure that I would ever blog again, but here I am.

So the reason I am writing this is because I am starting the Whole 30 program TODAY. You can get more information here http://whole30.com/  This is a pretty strict diet for 30 days. Here is the list of no no's for the month:

•  No added sugar of any kind, real or artificial
• No alcohol in any form
• No grains
• No Legumes
• No Dairy
• No carrageenan, MSG or sulfites
• and No re-created baked goods, junk food, or treats with "approved" ingredients. 

This won't be easy, but I fill like I owe this to myself. The reason I am doing the Whole 30 is because I honestly feel like I have a food allergy, but the problem is I don't know what it is.  At the end of the day I am so bloated that I am completely uncomfortable, I have constant headaches, My head feel foggy at times, sleeping at night is inconsistent, and I feel tired all the time. From what I have read I truly believe this is the best way to see if I am allergic to gluten, dairy, or certain forms of sugar.  I honestly don't know which it is.  At the end of the Whole 30 you slowly add these things back into your diet and you see how your body reacts. To be honest, that is what I'm looking forward to the most, I want to know what it is that makes me feel so bad. 

There are other reasons I would like to complete this.  I would like to lose some weight and be in better shape.  I am still going to Crossfit, but not as often as I would like. With that said, I totally forgot to weigh myself this morning or take any measurements.  I will try to do that tomorrow. There are also other reasons why I would like to complete this program, but they are a little too personal. There are somethings I am not ready to explain to all my friends and family yet. It isn't anything horrible or life threatening, but it something I have been dealing with for a while now and I am hoping that this program will help me achieve the goals and dreams that I have.  

I am going to do my BEST to keep you guys updated on how things are going.  I know this isn't going to be easy, but I think I can I do this.  It is only 30 days, right?!?!? My family won't be doing this with me so I will have to find recipes that I can incorporate their food with mine.  There will be nights that I make something and the whole family will eat it and there will be nights when I just add rice or spaghetti to their plates. I realize this isn't for everybody so that is why I am not forcing this on anyone. If I make something amazing, I will definitely let you know.  For the most part I am going to keep things pretty simple. 

My hope is that with blogging again this will help me stay on track these next 30 days. Ohhh and if you are on my instagram feed and all you see are food pics, I apologize for that in advance.  It helps me stay excited about the food choices I am making. I think I am going to need all the help and motivation I can get.  Wish Me luck!!!

More than just a dog

I thought about NOT writing this post because this is pretty personal.  But I have been in a funk ALL week and I thought maybe this would pull me out of it. Plus when I write a post, you guys get the WHOLE me.  I don't hold back.  I might not cuss as much when I blog, but for the most part you guys get to see the good, the bad, and  the ugly of me. But I think that is why some of us blog.  It is a way to express the "real" us. So this is the real me. And the real me is a big ole cry baby.  Now, if I'm physically hurt, I can suck it up and hang with the toughest. But the emotional crap, I can't handle. I seriously can get all choke up over a facebook post/picture.  I'm pretty sensitive.

So on Monday, I was a complete mess. Last week we decided that Sahara (my dog) had dealt with enough pain and discomfort.  So we called the vet and the only time he could come out to the house was on Monday afternoon.  Which worked out great, but the idea of what was going to happen hung over our head ALL weekend. But it also gave us the whole weekend to spend time with her and spoil her.

Her asking for more spoiling on Monday. Don't mind the messing house, I didn't care about any of that on that day. 

Come monday, I did my best to focus on the things I could control.  I focused on work and I worked until noon that day and then Jed and I both came home. The vet made it out to the house around 3:30 that day, so until then Jed and I did our best to spoil her and snuggle with her as much as possible.  The vet came out and did his thing (which by the way he was super nice and understanding.  At one moment I thought he was going to start tearing up). This was seriously one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know some of you are like "It is just a dog, get over it."  But Sahara wasn't just a dog, like I said before she was my best friend, child, sister, confidant, my protector, etc. ALL ROLLED INTO ONE!!! I couldn't have asked for a better friend. She was ALWAYS there for me.  After our miscarriages it was Sahara and Jed that was there to cuddle with me when I got really sad. It was Sahara that I could really let myself cry and sob until there were no more tears left. Or when I was sick, she would always be there to cuddle with me to make me feel better. She always knew when to give me a little nudge as if to say "hey, it will be alright, it always is." When R had colic as a new born, Sahara sat with me during the hard times and would come nudge me at times to say "hey mom, calm down, he will eventually stop crying." Or when I needed to walk out of R's room to take break, Sahara would go into his room and sit by his crib.

  As much, as I think she was annoyed that we had a baby (which took attention away from her) she LOVED him, even before he was born. 

Sahara also saved me one night or saved me from doing something that would haunt me forever.  Jed was out of town for work and I was home alone for a few days. One night, I woke up at 4:00 in the morning to Sahara growling.  As I tried to focus my eyes in the dark, I saw Sahara leap up and stick her head into the blinds and start barking and growling.  I thought she was going to jump through the window.  At the same time, I saw 2 lights flashing through my window. Jed kept a gun by our bed at the time (this was before R was born) and I grabbed it.  It was at that moment I realized that if someone came  through that window that I would have to make a decision.  Deep down, I know what I would have done. But I will never truly know because Sahara scared those 2 people away.  After they left, Sahara was determined to go outside and make sure they were really gone. I didn't want to let her outside but I could tell that NO ONE would be able to relax until she made her rounds. I let her out and she was outside for about 5 minutes and then came back.  She immediately went back to bed, I couldn't sleep at all after that.  But from then on, I knew that Sahara would always do what ever she could to protect me. She is one of those dogs that would attack a bear if any one in our family found ourselves being attacked by a bear.  She was just that protective of us.

Yeah I liked to put hats on her. LOL Doesn't she looked thrilled. But she always humored me.

Sahara also knew I was pregnant before I even had a clue I was pregnant.  She would follow me around EVERY WHERE I went and it got to the point were I would step on her because she would lay down right behind me while I cooked or cleaned.  It was down right annoying.  And then when I got the positive pregnancy test, it hit me that she was still protecting me and my unborn child. She would have followed me to work if she could. She always did what ever she could to protect me.  When I took her to the vet I would have to step outside when ever he could give her a shot because she would snarl at the vet because she thought he would going to stick me with the needle.  As soon as I would step out of the room she would calm down and he could give her a shot without a problems. Silly dog. But I loved her for it.

Yep, she even got to come with us at family photo time. 

When R was a new born, Sahara would get pretty protective over him too.  When ever someone would come over to visit, she would sit right beside R the whole time. And if they wanted to hold him, she would follow him and sometimes snarl at them.  Her snarl was more of a "Hey, I'm watching you, don't do anything stupid!!! Or you will have to deal with me!"

One of my favorite pics.

Now that I think about what I am writing, you guys probably think my dog was a jerk to other people. But she wasn't.  She was one of the nicest dogs you would ever meet. I could take her to the park and have no issues with her and kids, dogs, or parents.  She loved everyone as long as she didn't think anyone in her family would be hurt. She loved babies.  She would sit right beside them and put her nose on their leg or foot. She just like being beside them. She never nipped at R or any other child.  She would basically let R do WHATEVER he wanted to her.

This one was taken before my half marathon.  She was the only one awake before I left. We had a special moment!! :) 

So see, she isn't just a dog.  She is and always will be a part of my family.  I will hold a special place in my heart for her, ALWAYS. There will never be another Sahara.  I know this. I also realize that my house is STUPID QUIET NOW. I hate coming home at the end of the day because I know Sahara won't be there waiting for us. Or after I put R to bed, she won't be by the couch waiting for her pets and snuggles. At dinner time she would always sit in the living room waiting for her supper, but she would whine from time to time or breathe heavy in anticipation. I miss those whines and heavy breathing. I miss how she would hang out with me in the kitchen while I cleaned and she hoped some kind of crumb would fall on the ground. I basically just miss her.

She was really good at photo bombing pictures too. LOL

So at some point we will get another puppy or dog. I am not sure when that will happen, but I know it will happen when the time is right. There is a part of me that wants a puppy, but another part of me knows that it will not take away the pain of saying good bye to Sahara. The biggest part of me just wants Sahara back. I want Sahara to come back as a puppy and for us to start all over again, but I know that isn't possible.

My friend Kayla came over on mother's day to take these family photos. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THEM! Thank you Kayla, I appreciate it more than you know. 

So there you have it. My post dedicated to Sahara - the best dog I have ever known. I am going to end this post before I start crying because once I start I can't stop. I hope you all have a good weekend. I will have a more positive post next week, or at least I hope I do.

Where have I been??

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  Well things have been crazy busy and things have changed.

First off, I got a new a job. A friend of mine is moving out of state and she strongly advised me to apply for her job, so I did. I wasn't going to because I felt like I owed the company I was currently working for more time since they did hire me when I was unemployed. But after some thinking I thought I would go ahead and apply for it and see what happens.  Well long story short, I took the job.  I am super glad that I did. I was sad to leave some of my friends at the previous place, but I know this was the right choice for me and my family.

Secondly, my precious Sahara (dog) is sick. I wanted to do a WHOLE post on her and what is going on, but I  honestly don't think I have it in me right now. About 6 weeks ago we found out Sahara has bone cancer.  There isn't much we can do about it, but to keep her comfortable. The day they gave us the news was a horrible day. She is my best friend, after my mom of course. But I have given our relationship a lot of thought recently.  And she seriously knows me better than most people do.  She has seen me at my worst and during my most embarrassing moments and she still loves me. She knows when I need her to be by my side, or when to give me space.  I honestly think she is the only one who recognizes that. She is truly one of my best friends and she can't be replaced. The day she passes will be an incredibly hard day for me and my family.

Not only will I miss Sahara, but R will probably be more lost than me. He says that Sahara is his best friend too. Now, he also takes turns calling me, Jed, Random friends from daycare, and cousins his best friend. But I can see the love he has for his dog. He is so sweet with her and she is tolerant of him. LOL I laugh about this because Jed and I always joke that Sahara is jealous of R because she honestly thinks she is human and can't figure out why R gets so much more attention than her.

With all this said, I am mostly worried about R and how he is going to handle the day she passes. He has mentioned death to me over the last couple of days and I don't know who or what taught him about death, but he clearly knows what it means.  I don't know that he knows it means FOREVER. So Jed and I decided that even though we aren't ready for it, we will get R a puppy shortly after Sahara passes.  I know that R will need this, but to be completely honest, I AM NOT READY FOR A PUPPY. I don't want a puppy, I want Sahara to live forever! End of story. But this isn't about what I want. This is what is best for R. It breaks my heart to know that R will soon be in love with another dog that isn't MY best friend. No new puppy will replace the hole in my heart that Sahara's death will leave, but I know that it will help R move forward. And a kid who lives in the country needs a dog to grow up with.  The next dog will be R's and I will mostly be the person who makes sure it is fed and potty trained, but other than that he/she will be R's best friend, not mine. I'm okay with that. Actually I'm perfectly okay with that. I just wish there was something I could do more for Sahara. I hate that she is in pain and that she has realized her body has let her down. STUPID CANCER. Seriously, I hate that it is cancer that is taking her away from me.

So I need to wrap this up, I'm getting tears in my eyes. I will probably do another post on Sahara or maybe I won't.  It might be too hard to write about. Right now I am having a hard time breathing and I know she is sitting at home on our couch. I just wanted to let you all know what has been going on lately and that I haven't fallen off the edge of the world. I'm still here and I'm still trying to go to CrossFit although I have only be 2 times a week for the last couple of weeks. UGH. And my eating has been all over the place, but that is another post.

Starting things off right

So last week I announced that I was going to start eating paleo 100% for 30 days starting today. I did start off right, I had a boiled egg and a banana for breakfast. NAILED IT. But then as I was looking around the house for a snack (because I knew a banana and an egg were not going to get to lunch time) I went to my cabinets and got out a Luna protein bar.  They are gluten free but I have NO idea of they are really considered Paleo.  So at break today I thought I would research Paleo a little bit more. And as I was researching it, I realized that Paleo really isn't ONE SET OF RULES.  It seems like there are A LOT of variations of it.

I got a little frustrated but then a lot of the websites kept talking about this WHOLE 30 diet.  And so I looked some stuff up on that and decided that is probably where I need to start.  The main idea behind Paleo is to "Eat whole, unprocessed, nutrient-dense, nourishing foods. Prioritize grass fed and pastured meats and eggs, wild-caught seafood, and vegetables. Enjoy fruit, nuts, and seeds in moderation." That quote is from Nom Nom Paleo's website.  You can find that Here.  But then there is this grey area around cheese, potatoes, sweets, dairy, etc. And the reason those are so grey is because some people like to fit them into their diet and it works out GREAT, but then other people can't digest dairy so they don't include that in their diet. So there is no ONE set of guidelines when it comes to the grey area foods.  But in that same website she suggested starting off with the Whole 30 diet. It is more strict, but it helps you figure out what foods fit your body best.  And to do that, you start off by eliminating all of the grey area foods. So that is what I am going to do. I will start off with the Whole 30 for 30 days and then I will revaluate things. I honestly think I process dairy pretty well, but I want to give my body a chance to really get back to basics before I jump to any conclusions and who knows maybe after 30 days my body won't want dairy any more.

I wanted to give you an update on what is going because I felt like I let people down when I had that protein bar because I wasn't 100% sure if it was paleo or not. I went to the Library over lunch and got a book over the WHOLE 30 and I'm hoping to get a better idea of what the heck I am doing. So I may have to be a "Half ass paleo dieter" until I can get a better idea of what I need to get this thing started. So I am hoping that by Wednesday of this week I will be able to get this thing jump started or if I was a typical person I would start May 1st. NAH, I'm not a typical person. So probably Wednesday or Friday I will have some recipes for you all or at least a weeks worth of menu ideas.

Also, we had a GREAT Easter weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed this years Easter.  I have to say, being a mom makes the holidays that much better.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE watching R hunt for Easter eggs and enjoy the holiday festivities.  He really liked decorating the eggs.

 

 

 

I figured he would throw a HUGE fit about the ears, but he actually liked them.

 

 

And this one is my FAVORITE.  These two melt my heart every time.

 

The one thing I love about R is that he is a LOVER.  He honestly cares about people and animals. He can be such a sweetie.

 

But the frosting on the cake was when R said "We had a great day," to his grandma. Just out of the blue that is what he said. I am glad between me, his dad, grandparents, great grandparents and cousins we can give him a GREAT day.

 

 

How was your Easter??

 

Anyone want to join me in the Whole 30?? Come on, someone has to want to. LOL